Some Days Are Like That

Let's be honest for a minute.  How many of you out there have ever lost your temper with your children?  Have you ever shut them in their rooms and gone to the other end of the house for a "timeout"?  Have you ever gone out on your porch just to scream?  Do you find yourself daydreaming of being on a tropical island with only the sound of the waves washing away all your cares while you soak up the sun with your toes in the sand?  I have!

As a typical parent, some days can be very...challenging.  Some days can be fun and playful and sunshine and roses.  The challenging days are the ones that test us.  They test our patience, our faith, our strength, our character.  Some days we rise, victorious.  But there are days...oh, those dreaded days...when we feel like we have completely failed.  There is nothing we can do.  We just want to give up, and we feel so guilty for it.  Am I speaking just for myself here?  I really feel like I'm not alone.  I talk to my friends and relatives who have young children too, and this is something we discuss a lot.  The days we talk to each other the most are probably those days when we really need support, encouragement, and just to vent.

Now I'm going to step out on a limb.  What about parents of children who have special needs?  Of any kind?  I'm new here, so please try not to judge me.  Don't we seem to have a lot of challenging days?  I know I will be getting lots of help and advice in the future, but at this very moment,  I feel like we are in survival mode.  We just do what we can to keep things as calm and peaceful as we can.  Sometimes I feel at a complete loss for a solution to a problem.  How can I stop Carson from throwing things when he gets angry?  How do I stop the ear-piercing, blood-curdling SCREAMING?  These are common challenges, I know, I just don't have the answers yet.  Right now I am just learning how to deal with it, how to minimize the occurrences.  It helps.  These episodes are fewer and farther between than they have been.  Carson is learning to communicate better, and that is helping so much.

Maggie likes to scream and lay down in the floor now too, face down, just like a little Drama Queen.

I am trying to learn how to teach her it is not ok to scream at every little thing and for no apparent reason.  And at 6:00 in the evening, when we all get home from a long day, and we are trying to get supper on the table, and somehow unwind, why does everyone have to start screaming and crying at the same time?  These are the hard days, the days when that's all you want to ask, "Why?!"  Why are you doing that, why won't you stop, why won't you listen, why can't I get anything done, why can't we all just get along...WHY???

And sometimes, I just want to sit down, put my head on the table, and just CRY.

Some days are like that.

Aren't they?

Every mom has days like that, right?  Tell me I'm right!!!

And now I will tell you.  Yes, we have a lot to deal with.  Everybody does, some more than others.  Contrary to popular belief (my family), I don't like to complain.  I listen to people complain about their problems at work all day.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  I want people to be able to look at my family and say, wow, they are real.  They have trials, they deal with them, they learn from them, and I can learn from them too because they are real.  The life that we are living right now, it is normal to us.  It is all we have ever known.  PKU, while it has its challenges, is just another part of life for us.  Autism is not something new for us, it's just a new name for the same challenges we've been dealing with for a couple of years.  Clubfoot is correctable, not perfect, but manageable.  None of these things is necessarily pleasant, but they are part of our life.  They are things we have learned about, we are learning about, learning to manage, and we have so much help.  And yes, don't get me wrong, we have MANY days that are just sunshine and roses and happiness and nothing feels out of place or angry and I don't want to scream and cry and the kids don't scream and cry and everybody laughs and plays and has fun...

Some days are like that.

 

But on those crazy, no-fun, screaming and crying days, we all need somebody to talk to.  I want to be there for you, my friends and family.  And I expect you will be there for me as well.  Because it makes it just a little easier to know that I'm not just losing my mind.  The burdens are a little lighter when you can just vent and unload.  It's so nice to hear someone say, "I know exactly how you feel".  And even when it's another cliché, "everything is going to be ok" (at work my famous saying is "It'll be ok.").  These things help.  Don't be afraid what other people think.  For some people, that is very hard.  Some people care too much.  But one thing that changed immediately in my life when I first became a Christian was that Jesus came into my heart and gave me empathy.  He taught me to look at others and put myself in their shoes, so to speak.  I try not to judge people too quickly.  You truly never know what is going through someone else's heart or mind, or what might be going on in their life on any given day.  Every one of us on earth has those days.  It's part of living.  The question is, what are we going to make of it?  Can we help someone else just by saying "I've been there"?  I say, absolutely!

Some days we just need someone to identify with us, to reassure us, to encourage us, or just to cry

with us because they might be having one of those days too.  Some days we do just need to dream about being in a far away, relaxing place.  I have really been to those places.  I have had my toes in the sand of many a Caribbean or Hawaiian island.  I can think back to those times, I can look at our pictures, and watch our videos, and I can remember the smell of the air and the sound of the waves and the warmth of the sun.  But once I relax and calm down, I realize there is NO OTHER place on earth I would rather be than right here in this moment.  One day, all the screaming and crying will be gone and my house will be quiet again.  That day probably means that my kids are grown up and either living somewhere else, or just mature enough to not do all those things.  And I will probably miss the days when they are little.  I might not miss screaming and crying, but I will know that we became better and stronger people because of those days.

And when it gets rough, and I just want to throw my hands up in the air and give up for the day, I will just have to sit down and remind myself (something a good friend and I say to each other frequently, our new famous saying):

Some days are like that.

Deal with it.  Sometimes there's nothing you can do about it, and you just have to face the fact.  But also remind yourself that the other days are coming, the cheerful days, the days when everything goes smoothly.  Remember those days.

Some Days Are Like That, too.