And wow, what a year it has been! I have never been on such a crazy emotional rollercoaster in all my life! Life is so full of twists and turns that completely take us by surprise, because we never imagine any of this when we are youngsters dreaming about our future. I never in my wildest dreams knew there was a possibility that I would have a child with PKU (which I never even heard of back then) or even a child with autism. Because that stuff never happens to me, right?
This year has taught me a tremendous number of lessons about parenthood and life in general. We had so many giant upheavals in a short period of time. Maggie had surgery on her foot, then Carson was diagnosed with autism, then we made the decision for me to quit my long-time job and stay home with them, which changed everything. It changed our insurance, our routines, our home, our relationships...it changed me. I am still muddling through trying to figure out who I am now. But one thing remains the same: I am a MOM and a WIFE. I am striving every day to try harder and be better for my family. And now we await the expansion of our family, arriving this summer!
I have not only learned about myself and my own family, but these trials have introduced me to new people and revealed character in others. The saying goes "you find out who your real friends are", and that is true. Take out the negative connotation for me though. All of my friends are stellar people in whom I can trust anytime for anything. It just has shown me a deeper side of my friends and family. My life is so blessed and full of special, loving, caring people who so obviously do care about each of us! I am beyond thankful. There is no way I could be going through all of this alone. I have the best support system in the world! All of the therapists and teachers who have been added to our lives, those who work with and help Carson learn what he needs to know in life, are extra special. We are blessed to have each of these particular people that God has placed in our path in His infinite wisdom. I have zero negative experiences so far. Everyone has been so awesome! I am even amazed still how God placed us on the right path from the beginning, having Carson's PKU doctor already in place as a neurologist and child development expert who was on top of this and encouraged us to begin testing Carson when he wasn't speaking. Talk about the right place at the right time! The clinic Carson has been visiting since he was born just happened to be the place to evaluate and diagnose him for autism!
BLESSED is obviously the running theme here. I want to cry every time I think about how far we have come this year. I look back at videos of Carson and hear him barely able to pronounce words properly or string them together, and then I think about today, how he argues with me, and says the opposite of whatever I say, and gets sassy with me, and fakes being sick to stay home, and begs his little sister to play chase with him...I am just in AWE. What a difference a year makes.
What a difference a diagnosis makes. I know there are so many parents out there who are like I was. I told myself, and others told me too, that he was just a little behind, that he would eventually catch up. I am so grateful for Dr. Rutledge and her encouragement. I was so reluctant to jump on that spinning wheel of testing. There was nothing wrong with MY child. She only began with asking us to get his speech and hearing tested. I knew he could hear just fine. He could hear a toilet flush from one end of the house and come running (because he loved to watch the water go down). Then he started this pacing thing, and flapping his hands when he got excited...and finally I decided to do it. She suggested we eventually do the full developmental workup, for which we had to wait almost a year, but we did it.
Looking back, there are so many little things I never even took notice of. And now seeing Maggie do these things before she even turned 2 just blows my mind. I had no idea, since Carson was my first child. He struggles with so many little things. He still cannot put his shoes on completely by himself. Maggie changes shoes all day long. Carson is practicing handwriting in occupational therapy all the time, but he still needs help. Maggie knows how to hold a crayon without even being shown. There are just all these small tasks that I never dreamed Carson would struggle with.
It may sound awful to compare my children, but it has helped open my eyes to what Carson needs, which is very important. And Carson is so amazing! He is so smart and so active and so social and so "athletic" (in a few ways lol), that it is easy to overlook all the little challenges he struggles with. My point is, anyone out there who is reading this and may be facing similar thoughts or situations, jump on the wagon. Testing is no big deal. If it is just a delay, they get the help they need. If nothing is abnormal, at least you know. The sooner a child can receive help and therapy and intervention, the better their progress will be. I am SO thankful that we did it, and that we got the diagnosis so we know his needs. Carson has been receiving private speech therapy and private occupational therapy, as well as these therapies at the developmental preschool we enrolled him in this past fall. These people who help him every week, and who teach me how to help him at home, have all helped fuel this huge explosion in Carson's development. Don't delay...decide today! IT WORKS and IT HELPS!
Our next big challenge is coming up very quickly: sending Carson to Kindergarten. At public school. With all the other kids. With a special diet. With autism. With an IEP to develop. I have never been so terrified in all my life! What a huge step this is going to be! The best part is knowing that I have been and am still connecting with a network of people in my life who are going to be there to help us with this process. And help me with my sanity! And anyone else out there, just pray for us!
This has been and will be a long and sometimes challenging and difficult road to travel with our family. We don't know what the future will bring. But we know we have people who love us, people who are trained to help us, and a loving God who is putting it all together in our path. My advice to other parents out there is to surround yourself with the right people, find the help you need for your family, and love and celebrate everything about your children! They are unique, precious, fascinating little people who will blow your mind every day!
How blessed I am to be able to call this MY journey through parenthood!
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